Been having a rough couple of weeks....
Had a bad mald session over Gakumas' existence and also been having a lot of body image issues :(
Long story short I was always skinny as a teen/young adult and was the type who could eat anything without weight gain, but that all came crashing down when I began antidepressants and I've been struggling with extra pounds ever since.
And this hasn't helped with my gender issues either....
All things considered, the antidepressants have otherwise had a positive effect on me, I hated myself a lot even when I was skinny, lol
And even though I have a great partner who loves me just as I am, it's unfortunetaly not enough to cure all my brain problems.

The thing that's been helping me the most with this besides my husbands' support is drawing my favorite characters fat. In fact, I've discovered drawing more NSFW art has been overall making me happier.
For a long time I've felt shame over my enjoyment of anything less-than-wholesome (Not to mention the worry that I was fetishizing certain groups) and felt pressure to draw things I can show to as many people as possible. My relationship with art has a long history of basically just creating because it's something I would get attention and praise for. I haven't gotten much success with art outside a few specific time frames/fandoms, and I've been slowly learning to finally create what truly brings me joy.
I've been wrestling with the idea of displaying or linking any of my NSFW stuff here, and just remembered what JP artists used to do before the dawn of pixiv! They would make an ura (裏) section of their site that would be either linked in a slightly hidden area, have the url for it be written out where you would have to copypaste it yourself into the address bar, or provide a puzzle of some sort to be solved in order to figure out the url yourself.
I think I'll work on doing that....

Long time no see!

I've been neglecting this place for a while but I'm doing my best to get back on track!
(Long story short, Bamco killing all of SideM's games fucked me up. Gakumas' release further fucked me up. I also finally realized I'm probably autistic during this time. Fun!)

First of all, apologies for anybody who has tried to email me, the first email I used, well... got deleted from inactivity :') I will try to not make the same mistake again!
I also worked on making the site better viewable on mobile! I can't say it's perfectly optimized, but it seems to look okay on the mobile devices I tested on!

NOTE: Both the birthdays and colors pages will NOT be adding characters from va-liv or Gakuen because, quite frankly, I have a vendetta against these bitches. Feel free to steal my HTML, add them yourself, and host on your own page if you wish to see them, because I sure ain't doing it here.

I will try to keep an online diary here! I need to put my thoughts in a place where I won't be tempted to be numbers-brained and also isn't beholden by a character limit.

A big part of why I haven't touched this place in a long time was me spending too much time sitting on my phone.
I got a new (used) laptop specifically to get me back into using a PC casually and also installed Ubuntu for the first time ever!
I read a post somewhere that said something like "Smart phones don't have souls, but computers do. They're like horses, clumsy but capable of love." and I'm inclined to agree, lol.

Whether you've known me for years, or only just discovered my page, welcome! I hope to keep this corner of the web alive for a long time to come!